Western Conference Preview
April 19, 2008
Sorry for the delay … a vicious case of food poisoning knocked me out of commission yesterday….
Lakers-Nuggets: First Round Bye
When the real life version of The Producers puts on the sure-fire Broadway flop Isiah: The Musical (featuring the Tony-nominated hit songs “Rock Me, Dr. Naismath” and “Zeke (Zeke) Will Tear Us Apart” by the Scott Layden Roster All-Stars; let’s face it, rooting for the Knicks for the last decade has been as depressing as Joy Division), there will be a special act that deals with George Karl and the brawl with the Nuggets.
And that’ll be the most relevant aspect of this Nugget team. After making the big ball move to trade for Iverson last year, the Nuggets got gun-shy this year, despite every other Western Conference powerhouse making a big play (Shaq to Suns, Gasol to Lakers, Kidd to Mavs, Kurt Thomas to the Spurs). With the opportunity to add the desperately needed defensive stopper in Ron Artest presented itself, the Nuggets blanched.
I like calling this Nuggets team “My D*ck” because it’s big enough to fill an arena, and they seem to have a two-nut limit - JR Smith and Melo. You might be tempted to make an argument that Iverson is also a nut, but come on now… we’re talking about a 32-year old family man who hasn’t made any off the court news since he was in Philly. The infamous 2002 Practice speech is no longer an argument used to debase Iverson’s greatness; it’s little more than a novelty now, something for DJ Jazzy Jeff to sample.
The Bridge brings apocalypse.
So what held up the trade for Ron Artest, and a chance for this Nuggets team to be something more than just first-round fodder for the Lakers? Linas Kleiza? Is this guy is suppose to be something special? Isn’t there a continent full of these sweet-shooting, no-defense guys?
Or was it “chemistry”?
You couldn’t catch me in the streets without a ton of reefer
That’s like Malcolm X catching the Jungle Fever.
You really think Ron Artest wouldn’t have gotten along with NBA league-leaders in nickles, Marcus Camby, Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony, and JR Smith?!? Hell, there isn’t a place in the NBA that Ron Artest would fit in better than a Nuggets pregame hotel room cipher, spitting battle rhymes with The Answer and Melo. Denying the NBA, and us fans, this reality makes the Nuggets the one thing no team ever wants to be - irrelevant. And soon to be forgotten, cameos in a future musical aside.
LA LA big city of dreams, but everything in LA ain’t always what it seems. You might get fooled if you come from outta town.
Things couldn’t have worked out any better for the Lakers, could they? They get the only first-round opponent that can be taken lightly, then get to demolish the Jazz in the second round before facing the inevitable ratings-grabbing, David Stern erection without the Viagra, matchup against the Suns/Spurs. The Jazz? Please… the last time these teams matched up, on March 20th, the Lakers stomped the Jazz, getting to the basket at will, ending the Jazz’s home winning streak before the first quarter was even over. We’ve been harsh on Jerry Sloan before - he’s a great coach - but geometry as always been his weakness. Particularly 3-sided polygons.
The bad news for the Lakers? This might not be their year. Kobe will get his well-deserved MVP, having put the Lakers on top of the Western Conference in the first half of the year with just the help of “emerging” superstar Andrew Bynum, who despite being credited with the Lakers improvement in the standings by “elevating his game”, was putting up Andrew Bogut-esqe numbers before his knee injury. Kobe kept things going until Chris Wallace came through with the reinforcements. That having been said, Kobe might have to do it himself, as Bynum is not physically ready, Lamar Odom is never mentally ready, and Pau Gasol may or may not be combat tested. It may turn out that once again Kobe might have to defer to Shaq.
Hornets-Mavericks
I’m every PG’s nightmare manifesting
A little shorty pushing the fact that I’m the best in this sh*t called b-ball, raise the throne. Kid, don’t front, I got you open in your dome.
Nothing to say about the Hornets other than Chris Paul. Most years he would be the MVP - hell, his numbers look like Steve Nash’s MVP years, but with more offense, fewer All-NBA teammates, and ten times as much defense. The good news is that Chris Paul will avoid his foil, Deron Williams and the Jazz. The big question? Can he lead the Hornets passed the Mavs, then the Suns/Spurs, who will let him run wild, then the Lakers?
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines.
The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.
It’s been said many times, but sports, all sports, is simply imposing your will upon your opponent. Every blocked shot, every rebound snagged, every and-one drive… those are moments of will, expressing the message “You will bow down to me!”. But what happens when a whole team’s will is crushed?
The Mavs went down to the Warriors last season in the manner that would make the Hinderberg blush. Despite claims of “choking”, the reality was worse - the Mavs didn’t choke; they finally had their weak will exposed, and dominated, by men with the necessary motivation (Stephen Jackson, Baron Davis, Don Nelson) to do the necessary. There exists a hope that the culture of the Mavs can recover. It’s only a fleeting hope, as recovery requires going through the Hornets, then the Suns/Spurs.
I don’t give a cot-picking f*ck about a brother
trying to size [me] up, I hold my own.
What happens when a coach quits on a team? When the Knicks quit on Isiah Thomas (at some point after the Marbury AWOL incident), the result was a disaster. But what about Avery Johnson realizing that he can’t go any further with this crew?
The likely result? A first-round exit, a Mark Cuban firing, and a phone call from Don Walsh offering you some shares of Cablevision. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, but your new NY Knick coach… Avery Johnson.
Suns-Spurs: Right back where we left off. The best series in the playoffs.
So last year’s best series, and the best series the year before that will likely be this year’s best series.
What ya’ll thought, ya’ll wasn’t going to see me?
I’m the Osirus of this sh*t!
Who disrupts my coronation?
Coronation? This is bad comedy.
Go ahead, forget about Duncan and the Spurs. Really, I dare you to. You think the team with last year’s ring is going out in the first round like that, without a fight?!? That ain’t the way of the Spurs. They haven’t lost in the first round of the playoffs since a decade ago, when they lost to a very different Suns team.
Wait… I still function.
The key to this Spurs team has been, for a long time, Manu Ginobili. Even Bill Simmons, in his ball-licking tribute to Kevin Garnett, somehow found a way to rank Ginobili higher than Duncan in the MVP voting. That may be silly, but much like Jordan wouldn’t have been six-time NBA champ Jordan without Pippen, Duncan wouldn’t be 4-time NBA champ Duncan without Manu. Admittedly I am biased here, but he’s the ultimate winner. What he’s done in the Olympics (and will do again this summer) only adds to his resume.
So this crucial series, which will most likely determine the winner of the Western Conference, comes down to this: just how well does Manu’s groin feel? Oh, and yes… how much does Shaq have left in the tank?
Utah-Rockets
The Rockets won 22 games in a row, including the entire month of February (13-0). But did you know they are 40-10 since January 2nd? Even without the 22-game winning streak, that’s impressive.
But beating the Utah Jazz, without Yao and possibly without the third-most important player on the roster, Rafer Alston, would be more impressive than anything accomplished during the season.
Will they reverse the results of their first round matchup last year against the Jazz?
Cold water in your face brings you back to this awful place
Why root for Utah? They will get slaughtered if they play the Lakers in the second round. At least give me the excitement of T-Mac making out of the first round. Alston oughta stab Deron in the club before the series starts. A rusty shank in the the thigh might hold him to only 8 assists a game….
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